Grains of Sand
by DevDev
Summary: -She’s crying, gasping aloud in pain, twisting. A trickle of red sneaks down her nose and onto the blue dress and ruins it.- Post rescue, on island thoughts from Sawyer.


Disclaimer: Fifth story in my 'Can't Love, Can't Hurt' series, which I've borrowed from Augustana's cd of the same name. This story comes from their fifth track, _Meet You There_. Hope you enjoy!

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He sees her. She's not there but he sees her.

There, right there on the beach in front of him, looking brighter than the sun. Radiant. Beautiful.

Like a butterfly amongst caterpillars. A pink among the browns in an open crayon box. A daisy amongst the weeds.

She's swinging Aaron around in a circle, both of them flying in such a dizzying circle it hurts his eyes. Her hair flying, whipping in the cool, clear air. It's a yellow blur against the paleness of his skin. She's wearing a blue dress the color of the ocean, the color of her eyes, Aaron's eyes, the color of the sky. It sparkles and shines against the shine of the sun and it's breathtaking.

Abruptly she laughs and Aaron is laughing too. It's the sweetest sound he has heard in his entire life. Mother and son, laughing together, the way it is supposed to be. They spin apart then, their hands breaking hold of one another, losing control in the air. The sand breaks their fall and they land, both still laughing hysterically on each of their behinds, Claire's dress spinning up in the breeze and settling amongst the bends of her legs.

Sawyer laughs too and gets up from where he's been sitting. The sand is hot. He can feel the heat of it start to burn the undersides of his feet, but he's moving moving along before it affects him. Only maybe he walks a bit faster than he normally would, kicking up sand behind him. Forgets how harsh the sand can be while he's in her presence.

Aaron is squealing about a sand castle and Claire is whispering about something called sand angels. Their whispers carry on in the light that is surrounding them, tickling Sawyer's ears. He hops into the tide and smirks at the both of them, his feet cool and comfortable. Each and every one of them is so high on life; they're not even close to touching the ground. They make a triangle of sorts, standing the way they are standing. Claire notices this and smirks a smile so very similar his own.

With a flash of blonde light, she's hopping on top of him, tackling him into the ocean. They splash down together, soaked to the skin instantly; her blue dress suddenly black beneath his twisted fists. Her face becomes hard for a moment and it flickers, disappearing and reappearing so suddenly. She's crying, gasping aloud in pain, twisting. A trickle of red sneaks down her nose and onto the blue dress and ruins it.

There's a feeling of _need_ in him and before he knows it, he's pulling her down closer to him and kissing her in desperation. His tongue meets her smooth one and he can taste the bitter taste of her blood. But soon that fades and Claire becomes heavier against his chest, thigh on each of his sides.

She pulls back and he opens his eyes. Her blue ones are as round as saucers, but then she's smiling and the blood is gone. She flexes her toes and leans forward, two elbows on his chest, her chin resting on top. Grinning wildly now, she waits for his laugh.

But Sawyer doesn't laugh. He can't. Before he is aware, Aaron gently climbs on Claire's back, smirking down at Sawyer – a grin so similar to his mother's. A look of despair crosses Aaron's face, his eyes widening in fear before he's suddenly sliding down Claire's back against his will. He's crying mother and crashing into the ocean, water splashing around them once more. Sawyer tastes blood when the cocoon of sparkling water surrounds him. This lasts for a moment, before the water is splashing back down and crashing down around them.

Yes, Sawyer thinks dryly, it crashes down all around them. He's hallucinating again, this time having bit his own tongue while in the dream like state. There is no Claire. There is no Aaron. There aren't any smiles. Not here. Maybe not ever.

Instead, there is dark. Pitch black darkness that blinds him in the day and the night. Sometimes he feels as if his entire world has been swallowed by something large and frightening, but he doesn't have time to dwell on things like that. There are guns and running and only moments, minutes really, of sleep. No, he's not allowed to sleep long without someone shaking him awake roughly, more darkness swallowing him whole. It's brighter when his eyes are closed, darkest when they're opened.

These moments. These moments are rare. Where he closes his eyes and sees her. He can't help it and never even meant to start it all. Hell, he would have thought it'd be Kate behind his closed eyes, shedding some light on this new life he leads. But it isn't her. And he doesn't try to stop them from coming. Claire may not be right in front of him, but the beach, a beach so far away from here and this darkness, keeps him alive. Seeing the kid, aged and blonde and alive. Not blown to bits on a boat. It keeps him alive. Claire, no, he doesn't know where she is or even if she is alive or dead. But he sees her.

And damn, that girl is keeping him alive. The light he sees in this never-ending tunnel of darkness. Yeah, he smiles.

Meet you there someday, Mamacita.

_If I could change,_

_I'd keep away the rain,_

_And the sun would shine every night,_

_And I'll come meet you there someday…_


End file.
